Feline Fatale
by meethzoonk
Summary: Along their journey to the west, the Sanzo-ikkou stumbles upon an extremely cuddly kitty cat who turns out really really evil! Can the HighlyAllergicToFerociousFelines Sanzo stop her evil schemes?
1. Chapter One

(Thus, enter the story formerly known as Prince - no, _The Monk and the Feline_. Retitled, Revised, and Retold. Ah, sweet alliterations. ^^ Old readers and new, enjoy!)

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Feline Fatale

  
This story, will start with the usual. That is, if you see what the 'usual' usually means. The usual in the Gensomaden Saiyuki animes are usually some evil cloaked person in a mysteriously dark foreign place, whispering silently, plotting the newest and cruelest ploy to bring the Sanzo-ikkou down.

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Or perhaps a tall, dark, demon, smothering some kind of helpless being and controlling them which will lead us to yet _another_ evil scheme in devouring Sanzo. (Evildoers. They just never get bored, do they?)

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Or perhaps, it would start off with a smilling Hakkai, a very loud Goku yelling for food, a name-calling Gojyo, then some pre-school combats, only to be silenced by Sanzo's echoing gunshots..

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Or it would start off with a mere Disclaimer, as all fanfics normally do.

Well, **I** prefer the latter one, for I do not want to be sued… ^^

  
**_Disclaimer_** : Minekura Kazuya, do not try to sue me. I do not own any characters or anything to do with Gensomaden Saiyuki.

~~~~~~~~  
**chapter one.**

  
As usual, we see a smilling Hakkai, a sleeping Sanzo, a very loud Goku yelling for food and a name-calling Gojyo inside a green jeep that is really not a jeep at all. They are driving silently through a sizzling desert towards the nearest town, as usual. And they probably are, as usual, half-expecting some bizarre incident to turn up, which seems to turn up in every corner of their death-defying journey. It all just seems so.. normal.. right?

"It is not!" yelled Goku, a small boy with menacingly golden eyes and unruly brown hair.

"It is too!" yelled Gojyo, a devastatingly tall man with long crimson hair and identical crimson eyes.

The two were engaged in en exciting food fight over the last bun in the bag - which was already half bitten and badly squashed due to their violent mishandling. Yet they are still fighting over it! And that.. er.. sort of worries me, that does.

"Go fry your brains somewhere, you baka saru."

"At least I _have_ brains, unlike you!"

"Shut up and give me back my pork bun. You shouldn't touch that. It should be mine! You're barely past puberty!"

"I think you're the one with the age issues, you old-horny-looking water monster. Why don't you consult the mirror and check out your newest wrinkles? This is _mine_!" Goku quickly nicked the last remaining bun in the bag, devouring it at once in a rather sadictic measure. "Ha!" he said triumphantly with his mouth full. "Whee. Mine!"

Gojyo looked scandalized, not believing that a 518-year-old, aged monkey who never had the time to maturize could beat him in his own little food fight.

"Why you little-" he gave out a cry of war and lunged at Goku, "That was mine! My bun! My bun! _Mine_."

This time, Goku looked scandalized, not believing that a lanky red-head womanizer would dare strangle an innocent soul who was in mere hunger.

"_Your_ bun!? Why you - you ero kappa!" he yelled as he lunged back at Gojyo, giving his long hair a decent but very painful tug. "Since when was your name on it!?"

A kind-looking man wearing a monocle behind the steering wheel spun around to the fighting men, and smiled. A way-too-kind kind of smile. Which is kind of bizzare, since it is not particularly normal for someone to smile very, very often like Hakkai. Like, if I see a couple of boys fighting physically over a very bitten, pathetic-looking bun, I will probably think 'Oh, the poor things' and throw a sympathetic quarter at their feet. But no, certainly not Hakkai. He is a very, very reasonable man. He will smile meaningfully.

"Please, do try to keep quiet. Otherwise, Sanzo will wake up." he said, very politely even though he had had the two boys as close companions since two years before. Like, if I've known a person for that many years and they are annoying me, I won't try and be polite. I will probably say 'You rude people' and butcher them until they are sorry. But no, certainly not Hakkai. He is a very, very patient man. He will smile meaningfully.

Goku and Gojyo peered at the sleeping Sanzo.

He seemed very sleepy indeed. But most of the time, asleep is how they liked Sanzo. A concious Sanzo is usually very dangerous to them, for they have been manhandled by Sanzo's trusty gun and paper fan in every way possible, upside down and sideways.

"Is he _really_ sleeping??" asked Goku curiously. 

Gojyo shrugged, obviously forgetting entirely of the pork-bun incident. "Well, his eyes are closed." he said evidently.

"That doesn't mean he's asleep!" whispered Goku frantically.

I don't blame him for sounding so panicky. If Sanzo ever heard what they have been fighting about, he would probably yell 'Do you want to die that badly!?' and blindly shoot the air within his range with his anti-demonic gun, killing several airborne demons on the way, I suppose.

"Of course he is.." said Gojyo, but rather uncertainly.

"Of course I'm not, Gojyo. I _was_ though.." said (eep!) Sanzo with his eyes closed. Oh, so he's not asleep!

Goku and Gojyo stopped breathing. Then they began to laugh quite falsely. "We didn't know you were sleeping, Sanzo.. hehehehehhhehh.." said Gojyo.

"Hehehheheh .. hello, Sanzo. _Honestly_. We didn't know.. heheehh.." said Goku.

At this, Sanzo still hadn't opened his eyes. "Of course you didn't know.." then he opened his eyes at same time the infamous paper fan made its appearance, ".. you were too busy fighting over a piece of bun, you STUPID IDIOTS!!"

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

Two violent blows on each head and Goku and Gojyo began to twitch all over.

"I _told_ you to be quiet you morons!! Do you want to die that badly!?" he said as he sat back down comfortably in his chair, "Do _not_ interrupt me when I'm trying to sleep. Or I'll have my gun to keep you quiet for me, idiotic _sods_."

The blonde monk wistfully tried to fall asleep, but couldn't. Yet he was very tired. And very angry indeed.

Well, who wouldn't when you're trying very hard to have a nice picnic-like journey to the west, but ungodly rude demons keep interrupting you every time you want to relax and challenging you into fights. And then they try to _eat_ you. And then you have these three weirdos as companions who keeps getting on your nerves. And then these people who call themselves gods try to attack you too. And then– 

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Screeeech!

The jeep halted to a stop. Gojyo and Goku fell back, and unbelievably, so did Sanzo who looked quiet embarassed with his fall. Thankfully, no one saw him but us readers. But, ssh, don't you mention that to him!

"Why did you stop, Hakkai!? Are we.. lost??" asked Goku as he looked around… the desert.

Hakkai didn't answer.

"We're lost aren't we!? I'm still seeing the endless desert! It won't go away!"

Yes, they were still at the desert. No town, no nothing. Goku's tummy grumbled as vicious as ever. He was sooo hungry. And Gojyo looked as if he would die of boredom as he darted his crimson eyes through the blazing desert. It had been six tormenting days since he came contact with the opposite sex! He did not choose to die with three other guys! And cold beer! Cold, cold, beautiful bitter beer! He wished he had a six-pack with him now. He wished he had a woman with him now. Goku wished he had a humungous plate of all-you-can-eat dumplings with him now. The two goons were so absorbed in wishing, they didn't realize they were starting to drool on Sanzo's stunning blonde hair..

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Drip

"YOU IMBECILES!!" and gunshots were fired into the air, "You will PAY for this!! You will DIE for this!!" he yelled as more gunshots filled the air. Goku and Gojyo began to twitch horribly.

Hakkai hopped off the jeep, walked in front of it and bent down. The others of the Sanzo-ikkou thought they heard a muffled 'cutie-pie', but it was hard to tell with the hot desert wind blowing in their ears. _What_ cutie-pie!?

"Did I hear you say 'pie'? Where?" said the Greedy Guts. "I hope it's minced beef. Is it? Is it minced?"

He immediately got his answer. 

"Meoww…" something purred lazily.

It wasn't Hakkai, obviously.

But it was something in his arms. A bundle of something white. Something that (to Goku's dismay) was not a minced pie. Something furry. Something very very allergic.

"Ah-ah-AH -CHOO!!" sneezed Sanzo. Snot. Snot. Sniff. "It's a CAT!" he yelled.

And so it was. White fur, yellow eyes, annoying purring sound. Definitely a cat. Yay for Sanzo.

The cat purred dearly.

"Aww…" cooed Goku and Gojyo. They loved it already.

"It's a little girl!" cried Hakkai cheerfully, checking her as she squirmed embarassedly.

"Oy, Hakkai! That kitten's kind of cute, shall we keep her?" asked Gojyo excitedly. He liked cats. Especially female felines. In fact, anything female would be great for Gojyo.

"Of course we should. You poor kitty, we nearly ran over you. Isn't she lovely?" said Hakkai with his usual smile. He patted the cat lovingly and the jeep suddenly grunted jealously. Hakkai smiled then patted the green jeep, "Don't worry Hakuryuu, she's a good cat. She'll be your friend. We'll take her with us, is that okay Sanzo?"

But Sanzo didn't answer. He was way too busy with his handkerchief. Way too busy to notice Hakkai's question. Way too busy to notice the snow-white cat slip away from Hakkai's arms and slide quietly into his monk robes…

"AH-CHOO!!!" Sanzo sneezed loudly. The loudest one yet, actually. The cat purred and rubbed its fur against Sanzo's feet, but he quickly yelled 'scram!' and shoved it away. To his horror and dismay, the cat did not scram like he wanted it to, on the contrary, it turned back and started to lick Sanzo's feet like it was some kind of juicy catnip or something. "Hakka-a-choo! Hakkai! Get this ca-a-achoo!! This cat awaa-a-aachoo! Away from me!"

"Does that mean we can't keep him?" asked Hakkai as he lifted up the cat in his embrace, his smile fading slightly.

"No!"

"But Sanzo.." started Goku with his puppy-dog eyes.

"I said _no_!"

"But can't you see she's all alone in this world? Isn't there anymore hope for this little girl to be with us, Sanzo-sama?" added Gojyo, looking beaten.

"No!" snapped Sanzo. He sneered down at the cat which purred at him. He really must admit though, that it was very white and very clean indeed. Just look at her twitch her cute little nose like that – _what_!? No, it does _not_ look cute! It is horrible! It is fluffy! It is a white, cuddly, devastating _disease_!

"I will not tolerate that cat whatsoever. I eschew, I avoid it at all costs, and if you insist in bringing that cat along with us you – you – I – you – why you impudent mental patients, can't you figure what I'm trying to say?? OVER MY DEAD BODY!!"

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That can be arranged.. something purred over the rush of wind.

What?

Sanzo's eyes searched around the empty desert but found nothing. He shook his head slowly. He must have imagined it, after all those sneezes, all those anger, all those cat fur, all those Goku, Hakkai and Gojyo, after all those oh-so-stressful moments, he _must_ have imagined it.

Boy, he is _so_ wrong.

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to be continued..


	2. Chapter Two

**__**

Disclaimer :   
O, Minekura Kazuya. Do not try to sue me.   
I do not own anything to do with Gensomaden Saiyuki.   
I am just an extremely mild-mannered fan  
who watches this particularly interesting anime every 6 PM at AXN.   
(hey, it rhymes!)

Pleasure, readers. Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~  
**chapter two.**

  
Well, what did you expect? Is he going to drop that poor little fluffball in the desert to die? _Alone_!?

Maybe.

But after Goku's pleading, Gojyo's pleading, and Hakkai's ever-annoying kindly smile, of course he cannot refuse!!

And oohhh.. the shame it was for him. Sanzo hated cats. His relationship with cats have always been on the down side since the day that impudent idiotic mongrel cat mangled his little tweety birdie into bits. Oh, the horrible memory. Sanzo cried so much when little Tweety died. He was only five. But his hatred towards the feline beings had been fatale ever since. Feline Fatale! It was a white cat that ate poor Tweety, snowy-white, actually. A lot like _this_ one.

But now he is letting his three supposedly minions take care of that wretched pathetic-looking ugly cat!! He is the superior monk! He is supposed to rule _over_ them! Not rule alongside them!

"Well, what do you think Sanzo? It _is_ three to one." smiled Hakkai as he patted the powdered poof.

"Tch," grunted Sanzo, and he looked away. The other three yelled with ecstatic joy, for they knew what he really meant is 'You want him so much? Then you will _die_ with that blasted cat!' and of course, for Sanzo it simply meant 'yes'.

Sanzo threw himself into a sneezing fit along the way to Tobacco Town since – very unfortunately for Sanzo – the cat seemed to take a great liking for him and simply refused to sit on any other lap but his.

"Curse you damn cat. You can have any other lap to lie on, why does it have to be mine? My lap is supposed to _repel_ cats! AH-CHOO! But now it's contaminated with that filthy powdered coat you call fur! AH-CHOO! It'll never be the same again!" he said angrily to the wide-eyed cat. But the cat, like all cats, does not understand a word he's saying and she, like all cats, simply purred and snuggled up to her master, ignoring all those swearings under all those sneezes.

At last – to Sanzo's utter relief – they arrived at Tobacco Town and stopped to rest at the Tobacco Inn. It was a very nice town indeed, and none of the people there seem to have heard about the Sanzo-ikkou, which is very good thing. They can eat, play, fool around like normal citizens without people gaping at them or even avoiding them wherever they go. And best of all – no sign of demons, which is an excellent thing. They can muck around town and blame it all on the demons.

"You seem to bring us luck, neko-san.. aww, ain't you the cutest thing?" cooed Goku, stroking the cat's sparkling white fur. "This town must be the most peaceful town we've ever been in. No demons! We don't get this kind of luck very often. And look – _food_!!"

A grand table was set in the midst of the town people. And yes, there was food. Food, Goku! FOOD!

"Sanzo!! Look at all the food!! The town must be celebrating something really big to give out so much free food like this!!"

Sanzo merely grunted.

"You are right, Goku." said Hakkai, "I just overheard the villagers saying that this town is celebrating its 100th year of independence since Woofy The Dog-Demon was vanquished by a passing Sanzo."

Everyone glanced meaningfully at Sanzo.

"It wasn't me."

"Of course not, Sanzo. We all love and understand you."

Goku, after gobbling up various delicacies with multiple servings, then picked up the fuzzy white cat and beamed at her, "Hey, neko-san! You _are_ full of luck! You're lucky, fuzzy, radiant, warm… like the sun!" he glanced slightly at Sanzo, "What if we call her Sunny, Sanzo? Like the sun!"

Gojyo chuckled, "Isn't that typical of you, Goku? You're too naïve, you little monkey boy. But yeah, I think she does look like a Sunny. What do you think, Sanzo?"

"Tch," grunted Sanzo, "I wouldn't care if you call it The Imbecilic Powder Puff Cat. Why should I bloody care if you call it Sunny?"

The cat meowed and purred at Sanzo's feet, making Sanzo sneeze and snot miserably at Hakkai's feet.

"I'm going to kill that darn cat someday!" Sanzo promised himself as he got up and wiped his snotty nose for the umpteenth time that day.

***

"Sunny won't come near me," whined Goku, "Ever since we had dinner she won't come near me! What's wrong with her!?"

Goku stretched out his hand to pat Sunny but the white cat simply hissed loudly and elegantly as if saying 'kindly back off, dear stupid monkey' and strutted away to greet Sanzo who just walked into the room.

"See!? Did you see that!? She doesn't recognize her _daddy_!" cried Goku, looking thunderstruck.

"How unusual! I didn't know monkeys had cats as offsprings – ha!" Gojyo ducked just in time as Goku's dinner plate flew past his head. "Missed me! Baka saru!"

"I'll get you this time, you ero kappa!!"

Readers, as faithful Saiyuki fans, you obviously know what will come next in this child fight between Gojyo and Goku. Go figure! My inner mind is too weak to continue the fight so let us move on to a quieter scene, just across the room, to Sanzo and the cat.

"Meeow" purred Sunny in her sweetest purr. But Sanzo didn't think it was sweet. He rather thought it was a revolting kind of purr. Every kind of purr is revolting to Sanzo! Every _cat _is revolting to Sanzo! Yucky yucky schmucky cat!

Sanzo looked down at Sunny and scowled.

"Yeah, you too you cat-moron. Now get awaaa-a-a-AH-CHOO!!! Get away from me, idiot cat! My sinuses couldn't stand you. _I_ can't stand yoo-u-a-AH-CHOO!!!!! Now, scram! Shoo! Begone you unintelligent piece of vermin!"

Hakkai smiled and stroked the little kitty cat, "She likes you Sanzo, don't you see?"

"No," Sanzo snapped back, "and I prefer not to. I hate cats, don't you see?"

"No," said Hakkai, "and I prefer not to."

Sanzo's frown deepened, "Are you mimicking me!?"

Hakkai laughed his kindly laugh, "Sanzo, you have a great sense of humour did you know that? How about if we go out for a drink? Vodka, maybe?"

"No, I'm tired. All I want now is my bed and pillow. Now go and take that ugly thing with you." he pointed accusingly at Sunny as if she was some extremely wicked demon who commited various murders and has to be executed immediately.

Hakkai bent down to pick up Sunny, yet the white cat simply refused and bounced up to Sanzo's feet, resulting Sanzo to sniffle horribly.

Hakkai smiled, "I guess she won't come. She likes you, Sanzo."

"And so does the whole world, just leave me alone."

Hakkai nodded and left the room.

"_Purrr_…"

"Didn't I tell you to leav-a-a-AH-CHOO!! You insufferable hairball!"

Sanzo literally kicked the poor little kitty away and walked swiftly to his room, stifling sniffles as he walked, "DO NOT follow me you filthy low life form! I'll kill you! I swear I will-a-a-AH-CHOO!!! Just you wait and see.." he sniffed.

And the door slammed behind him, leaving little Sunny to stare at the wooden door. Isn't that sad? Poor little Sunny! But wait.. no. Incredibly, Sunny is _not_ sad! Sunny stood there, she stared hard at the door as if trying to hypnotize it and – _poof_ – the door swung open. It's magic! How did she ever do that? The clever pussy cat!

Sunny glanced around the room before heading into Sanzo's, just to make sure. But no, no one seemed to see her. They were far too busy with themselves at the moment. Sunny turned and crept inside.

The window was open, and she could see that the night was dark. _Purr_fect. No one will be able to see her. No one except…

"You lousy cat! AH-CHOO! How the hell did you get inside!?" yelled an angry Sanzo, "I thought I left you outside, you mongrel!" he hastily reached for the door and – 

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Click

"What the– ?" Sanzo turned the handle but realized that it was locked. _This thing can't be locked. _he thought, _It has no keyholes._

Behind him, Sunny stood with her yellow eyes glinting in the dark. She licked her cat lips and looked ready to pounce…

****

to be continued..


	3. Chapter Three

**__**

Disclaimer :  
O, Minekura Kazuya. Do not try to sue me.  
I do not own anything to do with Gensomaden Saiyuki.  
For I am just a mild-mannered fan  
Who watches this particularly interesting anime every 6 PM at AXN.

Salutations, people. Beware! Author's Notes to come at the end of this extremely delightful-to-write chapter. Now please, enjoy!

~~~~~~~~  
**chapter three.**

  
Goku, Gojyo and Hakkai trodded down the road quietly, their ghostly sillouhettes dancing silently on the bare ground. The lonely street was lit only by candle-light and passers-by was becoming a rare sight. Usually, this would be the time when demons magically appear and try to attack continuously until they get blown up or run away, but no. No demons this time. It was pretty unnerving. All they can hear now is the sound of silence.

"How pleasant." Hakkai said softly.

"How boring." groaned Gojyo miserably.

"I'm hungry!" said You-Know-Who.

Gojyo cast the golden-eyed boy beside him a grey, boring look before yawning, "I'm too tired to call you an imbecilic spastic monkey.."

Goku's stomach grumbled, "And I'm too hungry to call you a kinky horny water monster.."

"Why you Imbecilic Spastic Monkey!"

"Why you Kinky Horny Water Monster!"

Ahh.. how peaceful.

Hakkai glanced at his watch. It was way past midnight and they had just been royally kicked out of the Tobacco Bar. It was _entirely_ Gojyo and Goku's fault, though. It was _Gojyo_ who tried to smuggle illegal beers into his pants. It was _Goku_ who dumped the dumplings into Gojyo's pants, making him scream with terrible glee. It was _they_ who blasted the pool table into pieces. It was entirely _their_ fault the bar owner is now a permanent resident of the Tobacco Mental Hospital, where he spends time mumbling about 'those damned visitors' and runs away screaming everytime someone tries to talk to him.

Hakkai sighed and stepped in between his two fighting companions, "You have to feel sorry for the poor man, don't you?" he asked softly, ending the endless Ero Kappa vs Baka Saru fight temporarily. "We've been out for hours, surely Sanzo fallen asleep" he said calmly.

Goku suddenly looked guiltily at his feet, "Oh, Sanzo. Right. We didn't bring him anything. We didn't even spare those dumplings for – gasp – _Sunny_!" he stopped abruptly, turned around and exchanged horrified looks with a passing stray cat. Then he turned back to Hakkai, a panic-stricken expression on his face. "_Sunny_! I forgot about her. We've gone out for _hours_! She must be _missing _me!"

"She won't even go near you, stupid monkey!"

"That's because I ate gyozas for dinner, you cockroach head!" Goku protested, "She hates the scent of garlic, I can tell by the way she twitches her nose. But she still loves her old daddy, I'm sure!"

Hakkai stopped to chuckle, "Garlic? That's odd. I've never heard of a cat who is afraid of garlic."

Gojyo smirked, "That cat sounds like a vampire."

"Sunny is no vampire!"

"Yeah, but a real kwazy kitten. Garlic! Man, I thought only friggin' Count Dracula had that kind of phobia!"

"Several demons too," added Hakkai cheerfully.

Goku laughed mildly. It was true in an uncanny way. What a weird cat they had, a cat, afraid of garlic. Only once in a lifetime. Little did they know, that just paces away from there, a demon woman smiled viciously. Bloody monk robes and strands of blonde hair sprawled lifelessly in front of her. 

**

****

(Hours Before..)

Behind him, Sunny stood with her yellow eyes glinting in the dark. She licked her cat lips and looked ready to pounce…

"Damn this damn damn door!" muttered Sanzo under his breath. He was still struggling with the door which still wouldn't budge. He had no idea how a door so old, and so rusty could be so hard to open. It was extremely frustrating! Not to mention the tragic fact that he is stuck in a room with a feline being which dearly makes him sick to the bone.

He wheeled around angrily to give Sunny a good ol' kick in the ass, just for old time laughs, but then stopped dead in his tracks. He couldn't believe what he saw.

"Hello, Genjo Sanzo." said Sunny. But Sunny the cat was no more. In her place, stood a beautiful young woman, dressed in white to the tip of her hair. She had a pair of pointy ears and big yellow eyes that glowed in the dark. Sunny's eyes.

"Cat demon.." Sanzo breathed, his voice shook slightly in anger. He _knew _there was something fishy about that damn cat!

The cat demon smiled. A feline smile. Sanzo couldn't help but stare. You don't get to meet cat demons everyday, and animal demons are extremely rare in Togenkyo. _And_ it is said to be extremely powerful. Sunny purred softly, the tip of her tongue licking her moisty lips. She is savoring the moment, the moment she will at last devour a Sanzo. Savouring the last moments of her mortal life. In moments, she will receive more than the nine lives she already has.

Sanzo quickly shoved his hand into his robes and pulled out his gun. He pointed it at her carefully, "You do know what this handgun can do to you, demon?"

The demon giggled. She brushed a strand of white hair from her face and walked confidently towards him. She hasn't even answered his question. If years of demon-exorcism had taught Sanzo something, it's not to under-estimate _any_ kind of demon. Even the female kind.

The cat demon is now just a few feet away from Sanzo. She purred again and smiled in a very evil way, "Afraid, Genjo Sanzo?" she purred as she walked, "Please don't. You will die quickly and painfully. But, for a good reason of course. My master will come for – "

"AH-CHOO!!" Sanzo sneezed. He sniffed. He looked aghast by his own actions. Humilliated to the very pit of his stomach. This would have been very funny if the situation hadn't been so serious!

Sunny stopped. They both blinked twice. Both of them seem to be thinking of the same thing. The demon took one step forward with glee as Sanzo took one step backwards with astonishment. Silence. Then she took another step forward as Sanzo took yet another step backwards. More silence. She stepped forward, one last time. Sanzo leaned his back to the door. Stuck. There was no place to go. No choice left but to – 

"AH-CHOO!!" he sneezed again. He quickly wiped his reddened nose. An odd, horrible, mortifying tune suddenly came across his mind : _Genjo, the red-nosed Sanzoo.. had a very shiny nooose.._

The cat-demon shrieked joyfully as though she had found a new toy to play with. She began dancing her way to Sanzo : three steps forward, three steps backswards! One step to the right, two steps to the left! Then she started to jiggle the macarena to the tune of invisible music. Arrribaaa! Another step forward and Sanzo sneezed horribly once again. Cha-cha-cha! Sunny the cat demon began singing very happily, purring her way to a sneezing Sanzo.

Obviously, forgetting the fact that he is still holding the gun.

BANG! and AH-CHOO!

Sunny didn't know what came first but didn't really care. She froze. She felt her heart stop beating. A bullet just passed her head by a _millimetre_. Maybe less. She knew Sanzo missed her only because he sneezed. If he _didn't_ sneeze, though... she shuddered.

"No-one makes fun of me.." Sanzo growled severely as he stepped forward. His gun already aimed at her heart. "And I mean, _no-one_."

*

****

to be continued..

Before Feline Fatale, I once mentioned that The Monk and the Feline will eventually turn out as a Sanzo/OC story, where this OC will be no other than Sunny. BUT, after reading oh-so-many 83 fics, I came to a final conclusion that Sanzo is best paired with Hakkai. ^^ There will be hints of course, but I promise this will not turn out as a yaoi fic. Other pairing hints also shall come by.. (Hakkai/Hakuryuu? Eww!)


	4. Chapter Four

__

DISCLAIMER:  
O, Minekura Kazuya. Do not try to sue me.  
I do not own anything to do with Gensomaden Saiyuki.  
For I am just an extremely mild-mannered fan  
Who tries hard to wait patiently for another particularly interesting season at AXN.

~~~~~~~~**  
chapter four.**

  
Sanzo pointed his gun at the demon's heart. His anger was totally burning him into crisp. He had never felt so humilliated in his entire life!

Well, except maybe the time when that nosy old neighbour caught him stealing cookies from Komyo Sanzo's secret cookie jar. Yes, unknown to many people, Komyou Sanzo had a very unhealthy addiction with cookies. Especially chocolate chip cookies, preferably his most favorite.

Anyway, because of him, Komyou Sanzo's naughty desires to secretly eat cookies at night is no more. That horrible old neighbour flat out threatened little Koryuu with a _cat_ if he didn't give the greedy git the last remaining cookies in the jar. Blackmail!

If he wasn't deathly allergic to cats, Koryuu will certainly pound that moronic face of his with the biggest rock he could find. How dare he threaten him! But he gave out the cookies anyway due to the scary mewing sound he kept hearing from under the prat's robes. Shame on you Koryuu!

Komyou Sanzo was simply horrified when he found his secret cookie jar in a very empty condition. It was supposed to be a secret! And now it's gone! All he could do then was say, 

"Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Did _you_ steal the cookies from the cookie jar?"

"Who me?"

"Yes you!"

"Couldn't be!"

"So _who_ stole the cookies from the cookie jar?"

Like everything else, he found out about the naked truth afterwards, and immediately sent Koryuu out in the mountains for some natural spanking lessons for being unobedient and stealing without permission. (like you _need_ permission for stealing – duh!)

He thought he was grounded for life then. But now, he reckons he is grounded for _eternity_. That disturbing image of a demon dancing the macarena will never disappear from his mind! It is much worse than spanking lessons from Mother Nature! It will torment him for the rest of his unholy lifetime!

He had to end this now. Slowly, Sanzo pulled the trigger.. but his finger strangely wouldn't budge. He hesitated. He didn't know why he did. There was this annoying feeling in his chest that wouldn't go away. A feeling telling him that bad things would happen if he dared shoot little Sunny. _Very_ bad things. He relaxed his fingers but did not lower the gun. She was still a demon after all, and pointing highly dangerous weapons at a demon is always fun for Sanzo.

Sunny shot one look at the gun and felt her heart stopped beating already, and she hasn't even died. She stayed rooted to the spot, terrified of the deadly metal object that could blow the life out of her body anytime now.

Sanzo smirked, "Scared of death, demon?" he said, "Why, you're just paces away from it."

No, he was not going to kill her. _Yet_. But he decided to tease her a bit after the humilliation and the mortifying allergy she had caused him. Payback time! Sanzo mentally laughed his head off in an evil-maniac kind of way. Revenge is truly suh-weet!!

The cat-demon cringed at Sanzo's words. Ooh, how she hates that man!

She pouted furiously. It's not fair! She was only obeying her master's orders! She doesn't want to die now. She's young. She's carefree. She's too devastatingly attractive to die! Please don't. She's not ready for the underworld of mighty Hades. Don't let her die. Especially not in the hands of someone that is supposed to be allergic to her! She would be the laughing stock of the demonic underworld. All the dead demons will point at her and label her as The Demon Who Was Killed By Its Own Allergy.

Besides, she never really intended to eat this scrawny blonde git! He would've tasted awful anyway. Imagine all that blonde hair down your throat – eeaargh!! Eating humans is absolutely not her thing. Way too much cholesterol. A definite no-no for her diet.

Sunny swore solemnly that if he ever did pull that damn trigger, she would haunt him for the rest of his life. Till the day he dies, her spirit will never rest! She will make him sneeze until the day he dies! Sneeze Sanzo sneeze!

"Go on then," she purred bravely. "Kill me if you must, Sanzo. But I warn you, this will not be the last of me!"

Sanzo sighed, "Pity"

"I'm really _really_ warning you! I will come back from the dead! I will torment your unhealthy mind as long as you live!"

"Tch. You've certainly suceeded _that_ part. Dammit, I'm seeing it again!" he shuddered as the macarena image came back to his mind. Then as quickly as the horrifying image came, Sanzo pulled himself together. And to Sunny's amazement, he also lowered his gun.

"Besides," he started. "You have nine lives, cat-demon. You won't permanently die until I execute you nine times. How stupid of you to forget that, you utter utter moron! You must be the stupidest demon alive!"

Nine lives? That's right! She couldn't believe she actually forgot about that bit. Chalk one up for Sanzo. Sunny – zero. She sighed heavily. But the game is not over yet. Who knows what kind of dirty schemes she could come up with next time? If there _is_ a next time.

"Well, what are you waiting for? So kill me already!"

He didn't answer. Instead, Sanzo took a seat and sat down. He pointed to an extremely over-pathetic looking chair at the far end of the room and said simply,

"You. Sit."

"What?" Sunny exclaimed in a surprised manner.

"Sit down you empty-headed bimbo of demons." he insisted in what he thought was a sugary voice. He looked as though he could flash a sweetly smile. But no, I won't make him do that. Sanzo is way better off when frowning and being a total grouch! Agree?

Sunny turned to the chair Sanzo had pointing to and gave a sudden yelp. It was the most _hideous _chair she had ever seen! It certainly doesn't look safe, seeing its condition is far from Soft And Comfy and much more closer to Falling Apart Disastrously.

"What are you thinking, Monk! Sit on _that_!? No, thanks. My perfectly formed butt just won't have it."

Sanzo lifted his gun threateningly, "_Sit_!"

The cat-demon ran so quickly towards the stool, she almost flew. Being threatened with a gun with bullets in it does that to you. She sat down without any hesitation.

"There. I'm sitting on it. Now, what do you want? Do you want to kill me while I'm sitting on it? Really, is that some kind of new trend? Let's _all_ go and kill demons sitting on decomposed chairs! The rotten the chair, the better it is!" she chirped spontaneously.

Sanzo shoved his hand into his robes and took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. To Sunny's utter envy, he settled down in his big and comfortable sofa-like seat and started to smoke.

"Oh, great. You're down there smoking, having a perfectly good relationship with your royal chair and I'm stuck here with the old log! Isn't that fine?" she snorted, feeling pricks of wood torturing her butt. She glared longingly at the big red chair beside Sanzo's. "There's a spare seat right next to you. Why can't I sit on _that_!?"

"And risk me sitting next to you!? Think of my allergies, woman!" he bellowed.

"Why don't _you_ sit here!?"

"That is no seat for a monk! But don't worry, your demonic behind is much thicker than us humans. You'll live." he said as he inhaled his cigarette at a leisurely pace. He sat up abruptly and fixed his steady gaze on Sunny. "Now, you mentioned something about 'my Master'. Who exactly sent you?"

Sunny looked shocked. Did she also let slip that she was here on her master's errand!? Her master would be furious! How stupid could she be!? Chalk another one up for Sanzo. Sunny – still zero!

Sanzo is too smart for her. She's starting to feel she's battling a losing game.

"You think I'm going to tell you?" said Sunny nonchalantly.

"I didn't expect you would. But I can coax you with a little something…" he didn't finish his sentence. Instead, he stood up and walked out the door.

A moment later, Sanzo showed up with a bundle of something smelly in his hands.

Sunny twitched her little nose and scowled. She smelled something very very stinky. It was the smell of all evil in this world. A horrible, awful, unnatural, _unscentful_ kind of smell. If Heaven smelled of blooming petite roses, Hell would certainly smell like _this_. Strangely, this smell seems oddly familiar. Then it hit her. Oh no. OH NO.

"NO. Not GARLIC!!" she hissed, standing up on her stool as if a big, evil, squeaky, monstrous mouse has just entered the room. For a brief second, she looked surprise that it did not collapse with her weight on top of it. Then the garlic made its appearance again.

"GAAK!!" she hissed again. "Get that away from me!" she screamed as cat claws began to grow on her perfectly manicured nails. Her waist-long fair silver hair stood up on its ends (imagine _that_). She was making the equivalent fuss of what someone would make if Marilyn Manson suddenly turned up on your doorstep without make-up.

Anyway, Sanzo was still holding on to that bundle of garlic. He seemed mildly amused by Sunny's act of terror. He sat back in his couch, smirking. He was _loving_ each moment of it.

Chalk another one up for Sanzo. Sunny - always and forever, the big fat zero.

*

A large lair in the mountains, left empty since a family of white wolves was killed in it. The lair was said to be haunted by the spirit of the dire wolves, howling and barking at every waking night, moreover around the full moon. Creatures avoid it, and even demons flee before it. All, except one.

The dog-man yawned and walked around the cave in all fours, his head high, sniffing around the air. Moist. Cinnamon. Spices. Forest air. Cat. The dog-man growled and dug the ground with his fists. Too long. She was too long. Too much time has been wasted. A howling sound was suddenly heard from behind and he wheeled around, face to face with a lone, white figure.

__

Darkhas. he breathed. He held his breath, long enough for him to turn back into his dog form.

__

Has she come? said the figure. It was the lone white wolf. The _ghost _of the lone white wolf. His spirit howled, the howl that gives you that familiar shiver up your spine, as a sign of his presence.

The dog bowed deeply. _No. Not yet. She is still as young as the night, let her bid her own time._

The wolf's sillouhette wavered, _The night is, but young. The moon is waning, and time passes by. Time never stops._

She will be back with the Sanzo's heart. You will live again, my other half.

I will live. But as what? The twelfth moon will wane in a few days, and if not yet done by then, I will live as only a soul without a mind. He gave a long wailing cry, his expression remained unpreturbed. Then as swiftly as he appeared, he disappeared into the air.

The dog sat up in the empty chamber, his black eyes seeing into nothingness. The lone wolf was right. They are racing against time, and time is running out. The thing with time is that time always win. But this time, he will try to slow it down. With a flick of a tail, the black dog took off, out of his lair, and into town.

*

Sanzo yawned, obviously bored by Sunny's screaming and yelling. "Care to share your knowledge with me _now_?" he asked, parting his lips to release smoke from his mouth. "I am officially bored to death and my ears are buzzing strangely."

"This is blackmail!"

"Please, I prefer to call it the Use-Thy-Enemy's-Pathetic-Weakness method." replied Sanzo wearily.

Rats, thought Sunny. He knows my secret weakness! Why garlic anyway? Why not tomatoes or cucumbers or even bananas but _garlic_!? It smells bad, it looks bad and everybody uses at least a pinch of garlic in their cookings! Explains why cat-form Sunny would rather feed off sewer rats than leftovers from restaurants like other cats do.

"Just get that stinking, rotten thing out of here and I'll tell you anything you want, you sour-faced, blonde, over-corrupt monk!" screeched Sunny.

Sanzo smiled faintly, "And if I don't?"

She fiercely showed her hands where her nice manicured nails had been replaced by long, scathing cat claws. "I'll tear you from limb to limb with my claws!"

"That's cheerful." said Sanzo remotely, putting out his cigarette with his bare fingers and letting it drop to the floor. "Well, if that's what you want..." he walked over to the window-sill, opened it, and threw the bundle of garlic out the window. Sunny thought she heard someone yell 'Gaak! Garlic!' in a Transylvanian accent, a poof! sound, and a panic flutter of bat wings from below the window.

"See? Gone." The monk sat back down and crossed his arms, his gaze still fixed on Sunny. "Now Sunny," he said, "I repeat; who sent you?"

Sunny's hair cascaded back down to her waist, and her nails returned to her original manicured ones. Noticing that she had relaxed, Sanzo thought she'd answer his question nicely. People are usually nicer when relaxed, at least that's what Hakkai said. Sanzo supposed it _is_ quite a reasonable theory.

"A very evil blonde monk sent me."

Or not. Screw you, Hakkai!

"Oh, very funny." Sanzo snapped, "Another blonde monk. What is it with blondes?"

"Blondes have more fun! Excluding the very evil blonde monk who sent me, of course. He's a grouchy tart."

Sanzo scowled, "Be serious, you ungrateful dork! Should you note that there are still more of those garlic in the refridgerator and I can stuck them down your throat anytime I want!" he smirked as he saw Sunny flinch and made a mental note to thank Goku later on for insisting on keeping those gyozas inside the fridge. He went on, 

"I just want the demon trying to eat me be vanquished as soon as possible, so quit stalling and tell me who is behind all this or I will kill you and bury you with your intestines tangled inside your mouth!" growled Sanzo impatiently.

Sunny's eyes wavered, "What makes you think _I_ don't want to eat you?"

"Something tells me you narcissistic demons aren't that into high in cholesterol monks."

Sunny made a face, "Thank you for reading my mind, monk." she felt her lips curl up into a smile - and was immediately horrified! What was she thinking!? Smiling to a Sanzo!? Why, it's unheard! Her mind raced, she felt the unbelievably gross pinky colours rising up her face. She _had_ to say something - quick!

"Blacky!"

"What!?"

"Er, that's my master's name. Master Blacky. He's a dog-demon." Hey! You're not supposed to mention that too! Oh, God. I'm a traitorous fiend. But a very pretty traitorous fiend indeed, she thought cheerfully.

Sanzo didn't look so sure. It was clear he was weighing the consequences to trust or not to trust the cat-demon. "Oh, Blacky?" he paused. His eyes still set on Sunny's suspiciously, "I don't trust you about the name, but somehow I believe he _is_ a dog-demon."

Damn!

Sunny swore a very rude word under her breath that couldn't be written here, "You see right through me like I'm some sort of looking glass. I don't like that, you - you - geez, I can't even find a rude word that fits you! You're too - too - well if there's any word for you, you're too that!"

"Loss for words? If I'm right, I believe you're softening." Sanzo suddenly said, sneering triumphantly.

Sunny looked scandalized. "What!? I am not. I'm just raw. All those garlic must've unhinged a few things in my mind."

"A few? No. A hell lot of them sounds more like it."

"Really? Well, it explains why _this_ is still standing up." she pointed to a thick lock of hair on her head, still standing up in shock from her 'freaking out' ordeal, "Must've somehow left this one out, how stupid of me." she added, combing it down with her long fingers.

Sanzo spluttered a laugh - and was immediately horrified. A high-ranked Sanzo like him!? Laughing with a demon like they're some old buddy duddies!? Why, it's unheard! He quickly glared at her for making him do so.

The two sat in silence for a while, both of them wondering how the hell did 'torture talk' suddenly became 'chatting'!? Everything was turning out in the way they both had not expected. Has the world gone upside down!? Sunny thinks it has, cause she's seeing Sanzo in a way she had never seen him before. Is he getting bigger?

"What do you think you're doing you IMBECILE!?!" shouted Sanzo, suddenly losing his cool.

"Mew!" mewed Sunny - the cat! So she is back in cat form… good. Sunny the itsy bitsy white cat pounced off the stool and landed feets away in front of the closed door. With great will power, she stared hard at the door and - voila! - the door magically sprang open! She fled.

"You blasted cat-demon why you - " but Sunny never heard the rest, she was running, jumping, pouncing everywhere, stopping only for a good glance in the mirror, and searched for the exit. Exit! Exit! O, exit where art thou!?

Then she saw it. The door. The exit. The only way out. She stood there, wide-eyed at the gleaming exit to heaven…

BANG! BANG!

Uh-oh. Sanzo's at it again. The bullets didn't get her though, she even thought he did it on purpose. Hang on. Why would she think-

BANG!

Urp! No time to think! Sunny dashed for the door at full speed but the faster she went, the door went further, and further, and further away. But then she realized the door wasn't going anywhere. It was _she_ who was slowing down. Now why would she be slowing down? Oh no, she thought. Oh GOD no, not AGAIN!

That stink. That stench. That horrible smell of GARLIC!!! GHAAAK!! Sunny's white fur stood on ends as she desperately tried to run, but then she flopped. This is her limit.

Cat Sunny wailed, face-down on the wooden floor. Her furry body sprawled on the floor like an electrocuted mini persian rug. That STENCH! Where is it coming from!? It's totally nauseating. She can't breathe. Can't talk now. Thinks. Be. Sick. The gleaming door is just paces away but she is in no state to reach it. Out of reach. Too far. What have you done O Mighty God!? What have you done O Despicable Sanzo!?

But then she realized Sanzo haven't been doing anything but look gleefully at her almost-KOed state. It was the refridgerator. It was obviously sending off ultra strong garlic signals to her ultra sensitive nose. It must be full of it, hell. What kind of person owns a fridge full of garlic!? A vampire slayer, at the least. But Sanzo here is a monk. And those three goofy companions of him … oh. Realization suddenly hit her.

Goku. That monkey-like human being with the rubber stomach. He ate gyozas last night. He was smelly last night so that means…

"You're not going anywhere." She heard a click of a gun behind her fuzzy ears. Oh. Oh. Oh. This is _so_ a horrendous situation. "AH-CHOO!" okay, that wasn't.

__

You're too close, dimwit! she said mentally. Mentally, yes, but Sanzo heard it.

Sanzo stared at the fluffball for what seems like forever. Did he just - ?

__

Stop undressing me with your eyes you perveted monk! The voice came again in his mind. It was clearly Sunny's.

"I am not undressing you with my eyes! I will _never_ undress you with my eyes!" he protested, "Gojyo would've done that for me."

Sunny couldn't believe this. She is stuck. Stuck in a room that reeked garlic with a perverted monk! A series of unfortunate events seem to follow her round. Next they'll be bathing together in a big tub of ketchup. Ketchup. Hey, is that a big bottle of ketchup on the counter? An _open_ big bottle of ketchup? Sunny squinted. It surely is.

Not to fret, readers. Sunny does _not_ intend to bathe in a tub of ketchup with Sanzo. Who would anyway? Certainly not me!! *crosses her fingers*

Sunny is one smart kitty. She is one smart demon too. It doesn't take long for her brain to work out something cunning. A brilliant plan just hatched from her mind. A plan to run for now and come back later for Sanzo's life.

Gathering all the will to live, all the guts she could muster, she pounced from the wrath of Sanzo's gun and hopped on top of the counter.

"What the-!?"

Sunny hissed at him and pushed the ketchup bottle over the counter.

"WHAT THE-!?"

The bottle smashed severely, sending shards of broken glasses and red ketchup sauce to Sanzo's feet and robes.

"HEY! You STINKING feline!!" He reached out to grab her - too late! Sunny has already transformed. She is now in her human form, leaning on the kitchen counter. Without warning, she walked up to Sanzo and gave him a hard, juicy slap across the face.

SLAP!

Sanzo looked aggrieved. He definitely wasn't expecting this. He expected claws, chants, monstrous behaviour, but certainly not a slap! He even forgot to sneeze.

"_That_ was for the garlic. Look at my hair! You made it stand on its ends so badly, it's _frizzing_!!" she said hotly.

Sanzo goggled at her, still in shock to do anything. He felt a sneeze coming up inside his nose, trying desperately to go out but Sanzo wouldn't have it. Too shocked. She just slapped him for God's sake! A demon slapped a Sanzo! Everyone's gonna be talking about that one for years!

Sunny held her fist in front of his face, "Now, this - " she boxed him hard, and he fainted dead away. " - is for _you_, for being such an arsehole!! I hate you!" she spat at his helpless body, all covered in red tomato sauce, and walked away.

The _real_ game had just started. The current score is : Sanzo - three. Sunny - 50,453.

****

  
to be continued..

This is my favourite chapter! ^^ As you can probably see, there's not much revision done in this ickle chappie here. Now please read on!


	5. Chapter Five

**__**

Disclaimer :  
O, Minekura Kazuya. Do not try to sue me.  
I do not own anything to do with Gensomaden Saiyuki.  
For I am just an extremely mild-mannered fan  
Who watches this particularly interesting anime every 6.30 PM at AXN.

Please, do try to enjoy!

~~~~~~~~  
**chapter five.**

  
It was early morning, and Sanzo woke up in his room in dire need to punch somebody's face.

Sunny's especially.

He felt bruised and battered all over. Well, not all over, just around the nose where Sunny boxed him last night.

He rubbed his nose – ow! That demon sure packs a punch. With that punch, his nose should've been broken but he guessed Hakkai managed to heal it. Oh, hell.

Sanzo relived the mortifying events in his mind and shuddered.

One mere punch was all it took for him to go down. _One_. Unbelievable, but true. Sanzo went down by a single punch. From a demon. A demon_ woman_. Aaaarghh!!!!

Never underestimate the strength of a woman, they say. True. And I totally agree, being a fair maiden myself. They just hadn't mentioned this whole demon thing to Sanzo. And since Sanzo was never a big fan of demons – or women for that matter – or demon women – _especially _demon women!! – it simply gutted him. Thoroughly.

Ooooooh… the shame!! He thinks he cannot stand!

He began plucking the feathers of his pillow besottedly. Curse it if the hotel owner doesn't like flat pillows! Sanzo had paid for his stay. And the innkeeper – whoever it is – had assured him that he gets an extremely safe burglar-proof room. But he was in terrible danger last night! Rip off! Want money back! _Now_!

"Tsk. My pillow's flat." murmured Sanzo bluntly as he felt his pillow. He doesn't like flat pillows either. Bugger it. He dumped his pillow and cheerfully stole Goku's nice, round one.

Sanzo laid his head on his new pillow, wondering how he got into bed last night. Did Hakkai, Goku and Gojyo tucked him in? Disgraceful thought, but most likely. So where are they now? Are they out there somewhere, running after evil Sunny? They better be! Smart men should be able to match the missing clues. Like this,

****

KOed Sanzo covered in ketchup + no Sunny = Sunny, the dangerous cat demon!!

But with Goku and Gojyo's nut brain it is more likely to end up like this,

****

KOed Sanzo covered in ketchup + no Sunny = Sunny, the poor, abused kitten who barely escaped Sanzo's wrath!!

Dammit! The whole world is against me!

A small songbird perched by the window and chirped melodically at Sanzo by a way of 'good morning' and pecked the looking glass in what he thought was a friendly way. Well, he thought _wrong_. The monk turned to the poor bird with *huge* veins popping out his face.

"You too!? Are _you_ against me too!?" he barked furiously, and the bird toppled out of sight. In mad horror, I suppose. Sanzo then literally fell out of bed with vague paranoia, glaring at everything that moved. "Stupid twittering bird…" he mumbled, crawling manfully back into bed.

Don't mind the current grouchiness in our Sanzo, readers. He was just itching to get his hands on Sunny's neck and twist it like twine. Really, _really_ itching! In fact, he was _so_ itching, Sanzo began to scratch his itchy back in a dignified way.

Aaahh… a nice scratch on a horrible itch always does the trick. He felt good already. He began to scratch some more. Uh, wait a minute.

Are we still currently talking about the same 'itch' here?

Scratch. Scratch. (this is the sound of Sanzo's nails violently digging his skin)

Obviously _not_.

This 'itch', however, somehow involves his outer limits. His physical state. The flawless design of God they call 'skin'. Sanzo turned and stared at the pinky, gluttoned, wrinkled, _unnatural_ substance that suddenly took over his flawless skin.

"Aaargh!!" he yelled. What is this… THING!? That weird, bumpy, pinky THING staring back at him! It couldn't be… it couldn't be his SKIN!!?

No wait, calm down. Sanzo took a deep breath and huffed in and out. That's right.. it _must_ be something else. He _must_ make sure of it, though. He stared at the gluttoned thing and pinched it hard. And it hurt. insert unnecessary gasp here! Oh no!!

It _is_ his skin!!

Sanzo yelled in a high note and ran for his paper fan.

***

"You can stop growling now, Sanzo." said Hakkai in his sweetest voice.

Sanzo growled even more severely, "I have chicken pox!" he stated angrily.

"No, you don't. These are mere rashes, and they are the latest design of your allergies."

"Yeah," piped Gojyo, "Chicken pox are for chickens anyway. Unless you're a – "

Sanzo glared at him, "I dare you to continue that sentence, Gojyo."

"Now, now, Sanzo. Don't you move a muscle." Hakkai opened his first aid kit and took out a small tube of something green, "A doctor in my town once said that allergies can only be handled by this special balm. Spread it on yourself, Sanzo. I'll help if you want."

"No thanks, me and myself will do."

"Oh, let him Sanzo," drawled Gojyo, "Hakkai loves playing doctor." he said, and Hakkai clapped furiously at this.

"Silence! I will not let anyone _touch_ me but myself!" He took the small tube and in no time he was covered in green gunk, looking more like The Thing That Ate Manhattan than a high-ranked monk. It was hard to tell under the green stuff, but I could've sworn he gave Hakkai an incredulous look. "Damn, I feel awful. You'd better not be messing around with me, Hakkai!!"

"Of course not, Sanzo. Why would – "

The door suddenly slammed opened and a flash of brown hair came running in, smelling of freshly-peeled potatoes and beetroot. "I made lunch!" Goku yelled happily. Then, after glimpsing a spark of blond hair from between Hakkai and Gojyo he yelled some more with an added joy in his voice.

"Oooh – is Sanzo awake yet? I wanna see! I wanna see!" Goku popped his head between Hakkai and Gojyo for a closer look at Sanzo – and shut his mouth to stop himself from puking. Sanzo saw this but just raised his green eyebrow and decided to postpone the little twit's death.

Hakkai closed the first aid box and sighed, "Sanzo, Sanzo. Things like these really does happen to you. What happened anyway? Last night when we came home we found you knocked out on the kitchen floor, all covered in ketchup – mind you, we thought it was _blood_ at first. Then this morning when we came back from searching Sunny – with disastrous failure might I add – you were swatting the mirror with your paper fan and yelling quite loudly. _Alone_. Alone means something don't you think?"

"We almost checked you in to that nice big hotel down the road they call Mental Hospital." added Gojyo gleefully, "We have a friend there, by the way. He checked in last night after our hubbub at the bar, right Hakkai? We call him the Bar Owner. You should reconsider it, Sanzo, he'd be a nice roommate."

"I can _explain_." Sanzo hissed through gritted teeth. All eyes were suddenly set on him. "Uh, maybe later. _So_, Hakkai. Allergies, eh? About these allergies. Can't you just invert them to sneezing-only instead? These really itches, and looking at myself in the mirror ruins my appetite."

"Like it ruined mine.." choked the monkey boy sadly.

Hakkai chuckled dearly, "This is no computer, Sanzo. I'm afraid that would be defying the law of God."

"Your God, maybe. Just make that old hag, Kanzeonbosatsu do it, bully her or something but do it quick!!" he snapped fiercely and an angry flash of lightning striked not far from there. He paused at the noise and then decided to rant some more,

"Darn allergies – tsk! Is it because of that damned cat again!? She will pay! She will die until she is sorry! I'll make sure of that!! Oh, and remind me to torture information out of her before killing her the next time we see her, Hakkai, because you might not know this but she is actually a d– "

"On the contrary, Sanzo!" interjected Hakkai politely, "This reaction is probably because Sunny is not here anymore."

Deafening silence.

"Explain yourself!" Sanzo yelled, "Or I'll kill you!" he added, just to add a touch of Sanzo-ness in his sentence.

Hakkai nodded and re-checked his medication list that suddenly popped out of nowhere, "According to my calculations, your body has gotten this odd reaction – or should I say, _bond_ – with little Sunny, Sanzo." he kept on smilling as Sanzo gawked fearfully, "Your skin will rash violently as a way of protest if it is kept away from Sunny for too long."

Sanzo's mouth opened and closed without a sound.

"Aha," Hakkai said, raising a finger,"'It's not logic!' was that what you were going to say, Sanzo?" he then laughed gleefully.

"muh," replied Sanzo wearily as a way of saying 'yes'. His tongue had strangely tied itself into a tight knot when Hakkai said the word 'bond'.

Moreover when the term 'little Sunny', 'body', and 'Sanzo' came in the same sentence.

It sounded _horribly frightening_! These words does not belong together! Unless, of course, if you use it in the sentence 'Sanzo bonds little Sunny's brain and body with a tree'.

Sounds exciting.

But what Hakkai said! That doesn't sound exciting at all!!

Sanzo closed his mouth for good and glared at Hakkai, just to make himself feel better. "Right, _bond_. Like that's a word. Okay, then." he said peevishly, "Is there any cure?"

Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku looked at each other secretively before shouting out in unison, "We must go and find Sunny, of course!!"

Sanzo glared at them all as if they have gone mad, "No, I meant the _bond_ thing you bunch of dweebs! Is there any cure for my body to NOT be bonded with that darn cat?"

"Oh." They all looked somehow upset.

"I'm afraid not, Sanzo." replied Hakkai, a weary smile on his face. "It is a matter of body genetics and anatomic reactions where the adrenaline rush is equivalent to the brain cells of the great division – "

"Please, skip ahead."

" – in other words, it is _impossible_."

Sanzo looked as if he was suddenly sucked into a black hole. He looked as if he was about to die. He wished he _was_ though.

"No!" he yelled desperately, fighting down the urge to poke a gun on the side of his head. Then he sighed. No. He was being insane. How stupid could he be? Letting Sunny pollute his mind like that! His death wouldn't change anything. But he could change something by living.

He could kill Sunny for one thing and change his vengeance into pure joyfulness. Hahaha!!

Uh, okay, perish the disastrously evil thought there.

Sanzo scratched his itchy back with one hand gracefully. "Fine," he snorted and laid down on his – Goku's! – pillow, "Go find Sunny."

Goku's eyes suddenly lit up, "Find Sunny? Y-you _want_ Sunny to be found!? Does that mean you _like_ her now!?"

"Of course _not_, stupid monkey!!"

"Oh, but you will!"

Sanzo's hand searched blindly for his gun, wanting desperately to fire some lessons into Goku's dinosaur brain, but didn't manage to find it from under the green gunk blocking his eyesight. Curse on you all!! He swore mentally, then glared back at the trio standing beside his bed. "Hm? What are you waiting for? Are you going to find Sunny or not!?"

"Aren't you - "

He held up his paper fan threateningly, "Just SHUT UP and GO!!!!"

So exit Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku, leaving a trail of dust behind them.

***

As human-form Sunny sauntered by the morning streets, hundreds of heads turned to her. Many jaws dropped at the sight of her, and many men swooned at the sound of her dainty, melodical footsteps. Sunny beamed brightly and walked in the-ground-is-so-lucky-I'm-walking-on-it kind of way.

"One here, another one there - Ooooh! Dashingly gorgeous one over there!" thought Sunny as she eyed her handsome spectators (ugly ones are immediately black-listed), partly hoping that several would come and talk her into a cup of coffee. To her ghastly doom, the ones who did happens to be they of The Vicious and Hideous Ones.

Sunny gaped in horror as a crooked man with a crooked nose, crooked tooth, crooked everything went up to her and waved flirtatiously, "Hi gorgeous…"

"Go away! I find you unattractive!" Sunny snapped, and she fled.

Once alone, Sunny twitched the cat-bell power control device on her neck crankily. It was ridiculous how men brood over her. Of course, she knew _exactly_ how charming and attractive she is. But can't beauty choose? If she could have one wish, she would wish for a nice, dependable demon who is not blonde, not corrupt, not sour-faced, not droopy eyed… everything a certain someone is _not_.

Sunny shook her head, feeling absurd with herself. _This_ is what happens when you hate someone too much! You start comparing him with all the good guys in the world. All the good guys in the world that does not mess with your hair!

She twirled her beautifully frizzed hair and sighed. It was time to go to the hairdresser anyway, she thought as she entered the Tobacco Salon. Sunny comes here every week and is well acquainted with the owner, who is neither a man nor a woman.

"Darling!" the man/woman exclaimed in surprise. "Already now? It's only been four days since your last visit!" the person with the unidentified sex stroked Sunny's hair lovingly and gasped almost immediately, "Darling! Your hair! It's _frizzed_!!"

Sunny sighed, "Yes, it is. It's not my fault, though." she added quickly. "A demon attacked me. You know, those ugly, blonde kind of demons."

"Poor darling! They attacked your _hair_!? They're the worst kind!"

"They are, believe me." there was a dazed moment when Sunny thought, Whee. I'm lying. Then she quickly brushed her hair back and said, "That is why my hair needs your treatment - now!"

The man/woman glanced at his/her watch and sighed frustatedly, "I'm sorry Dear, but I don't think I can treat your hair now. I have a meeting with my girls in fifteen minutes!"

Sunny looked crestfallen.

"Your _girls_!?" she managed to squeak. "But my hair needs you!!"

"Well, there's always my new assistant.." he/she clapped her hands together, "Yes, that's it! Sha will treat your hair today! Sha! Sha, come here dear! Come on!"

"Sha? She'd better be a pro! I can't stand it if a plebeian touches my hair-- "

Before Sunny could do anything more, the hairdresser kissed her cheek and went off, waving a "Ta-ta!", leaving Sunny to gape after her/his trail and gape even wider as she turned to face the hairdresser's apprentice.

"You!!" blurted Sunny.

The assistant smiled lop-sidedly at her, his long red hair shimmered macho-ly in the light, "Hello there, young lady. Allow me to introduce myself,"

"Argh!" she jumped in surprise.

"I will be treating your hair today,"

"Argh!" she pointed a finger at him scathingly.

The assistant's crimson eyes flashed dramatically, "The name is Gojyo. Sha Gojyo."

****

to be continued..

Thank you for reading the revised edition of Feline Fatale! The next and newest chapter will hopefully come in a few weeks.. in the meantime, do tell me what you think!

You will review. You want to review. You can do it! C'mon, I know you can!


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